In Which Raine Announces the Time

I have an alarm set on my phone to remind me to take my meds in the afternoon. I don't want to advertise that I take anti-depressants so whenever the super annoying alarm goes off, I just announce to everybody that it is, in fact, 1:30. They rarely care.

6 Of the Best Things About Being An Adult

1. Staying up late this one pretty much goes without saying.

2. Standing on furniture maybe not everyone stands on their coffee table but I reserve the right to.

3. Messing with small children I like to tell my kid once in a while that I am going to leave him with the dog. Then I let him stew on it for a while.

4. Beer I didn't even know what I was missing.

5. Eating as many cookies that I want Four was the magic number growing up. You could have four cookies. Now no one tells me I can only have four.

6. Sex Yup. The best thing about being an adult.

Others

I often wonder if people look at me and think that I am crazy.

I do not hide the fact that I take meds for depression and anxiety. I mean, I do not carry a sign or anything, I just don't deny it when asked.

I wonder if that makes people think I am crazy. Or just the opposite.

I wonder if people look at me and think "She's overweight." Or do I carry the extra poundage well?

I wonder if people think I am a good mom. People say I am, but would you tell someone if they weren't?

I wonder what people think about me. I do not obsess over it, but I do wonder.

Do you?

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Goals and Ambition

I have a problem at work. My problem is that I have no ambition. I have no goals. And, you know, I am actually quite content with everything. Not happy, but content.

My job is a stepping stone for grad school/med school/vet school. People work here for 1-2 years then go on their merry way to school. I have been here for 5-6 years already. I have no plans to leave.

Sure, I would love to find a new job, preferably in a far away city somewhere. But who knows? I don't know what kind of job I would be looking for anyways.

I was just listening to a Stuff You Should Know podcast on goals and whether they are good or bad. The consensus is that it depends on the person/situation. They touch on the fact that not everyone has goals. Some people are fine with their mediocre lives. (I assume they are mediocre because if they were really awesome, they probably achieved goals to get their awesome shit.)

I do kind of have a weight loss goal. I would like to lose 10 pounds as quickly as possible. I really don't know a better time frame than that. I don't really know what is reasonable. One month? Two? I guess I could google it, but honestly I don't care enough.

See what I mean?! No ambition. No motivation. This could all fall back, you know, on my depression. Why bother having goals that you cannot meet? What is the point?

I'm Sensitive

Sometimes people say things that they don't mean. Sometimes those things are hurtful. Sometimes those things can not be forgotten.

Forgiveness comes easily to me. There are few things in my life that I have not been able to forgive. Forgetfulness is another thing that comes very naturally to me. This is why it is easy for me to forgive; because I usually forget what it was that I was angry about. I usually forget most things. I probably did too many drugs when I was younger. So it goes.

Sometimes the things that are said cannot be unheard. I wish they could be. I wish I didn't stay angry as long as I do, but there it is. These things happen. Sometimes it just takes a little bit longer to forgive and forget, I just need a little bit of time.