Mel sent me this link to a blog post about Moms who hate being moms. It is such a breath of fresh air. I have been seriously limiting my online time because I hate the horrible people who are in it.
God forbid some one says they hate being a mom. I am fairly surprised that that woman hasn't been crucified. To tell the truth I have been thinking about it a lot. It's too fucking hard. I can't do it anymore. And it is unfair. It is unfair that I kill myself to be a good, attentive parent every single day and no one can help me. It is unfair that my fucking piece of shit ex doesn't even pay any child support. Nope he just walked away. Sure he pretended for like a month that he wanted to see Ryder, but that clearly did not interest him enough. Or perhaps having his money is more important. Fuck him. Fuck him for choosing drugs over us. Fuck him for not wanting to be a parent.
I digress.
People all over the fucking internet have very mean things to say to each other.
I did not circumcise my son because I just love mutulating male genitallia. And I did the post care that I was told to do. I did not purposely try to screw up my sons life by being neglectful.
I am not a terrible mom for saying being a mom is too difficult. I can't do it any more.
I do not neglect my son because I work full time. Trust me, bitches, if I could spend the time and not have to go to a shit job each day, I fucking would. Fuck you for judging others.
I do not choose to be depressed. I am not purposely choosing the wrong doctors in order to attract attention. I am not being selfish. Perhaps these assholes do not know the difference between sad and depressed. Cause there is a difference. A huge fucking difference.
End rant.
People just do not understand. I too have depression. I have been a single mom when my kids were toddlers and a widow when they were pre-teens. It is a terrible thing that you really don't seem to have any help. It is fucking hard to do everything and no one goes, "good job! You deserve to be recognized for all you do. The way you feel,...totally normal. Don't let anyone tell you what you should be doing (inc. me). It really doesn't matter what any of these assholes think, but it's hard not to be hurt or angry. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself,.."Karen thinks I'm awesome!"
ReplyDeleteI can't say that I understand your depression because I've never suffered from it, but I can say that I know EXACTLY what it feels like to be too tired to be the go to person, the mommy. The one that takes care of it all by herself, and works a full time job, with no child support.
ReplyDeleteYou're at the bottom of the well right now but some of us here to lend you a hand. Even if it's only to tell you it'll get better.
I kind of understand what you are going through a bit. There are many days when I am so tired of taking care of Skyler I want to scream.
ReplyDeleteYou're not alone. I applaud your bravery in putting this out there. Hang in there, Sweets. It won't always be like this. Much love to you.
ReplyDeleteIf you ever need anything..
ReplyDeleteHi. As a stay-at-home dad, sometimes it gets so that I just wat to run upstairs and into my closet and hide until the kids are 12.
ReplyDeleteAnd waving to you and Ryder from Everett!
I've had all those thoughts before...and been accused of the same things.. Fuck them all and keep doing your best...
ReplyDeleteI have days all the time when I question my decision to have 3 kids (3 births) in 2 1/2 years. I use to always want to be a SAHM when I was a single mother working ALL THE TIME with my oldest son....now the days I have to go to school or get the chance to go to the store alone? It's better than Christmas to me (now I feel ashamed for admitting that). You're not alone