Three Lessons From the Playground

~Other parents are way more tolerant than I think. Ryder seems to ask every adult on the playground to watch him, or catch him, or help him. I run over and try to help him myself, but of course he doesn't want my help. I've learned that the other parents are okay with the whole thing. Maybe their kids do the same.

~Sometimes it is okay to break the rules. You'd think I would know this by now. It us a really difficult lesson to remember. Sometimes pretending not to see him is okay as long as it is not dangerous. What playground nowadays can you even do anything dangerous in?

~You don't have to maintain clear sight at all times to be a good parent. If Ryder runs behind a tree for a second, it does not mean he has been stolen. It is okay for a piece of playground equipment to obscure my sight for a second or two.

Different Parenting

My mom and I parent very differently. My dad and I, not so much. My mom seems to focus on the wrong things. Or maybe just things that are less important to me.

For instance, with my mom, a two year old playing with buttons? Fine. Playing with rings? Good. Nevermind they are choking hazards. A four year old saying "Jesus"? Hell no. Playing with the shell-game-like toy he got at Wendy's? I might as well get his jail cell ready for him now.

Another major difference is teaching him the difference between when an activity is okay and when it is not. I say never climb up the slide the wrong way. Major pet peeve of mine. Mom says you can as long as there are not too many kids on the playground. What does that mean? How many are too many? How does he know? Or she says that he can climb on her legs but not her abdomen. I say don't climb on people.

However differently we parent, neither of us could be too wrong. Ryder is very happy and my mom raised four of us successfully. Though, I must say, my dad sides with me.

Depression Party!

Today is Mental Health Blog Party Day. Did you bring the streamers? Fuck, well, me either.

Mental illness is one of these invisible diseases. Much like arthritis and lupus, others cannot tell that you are sick and often just plain out don't believe you. "It's all in your head," we are told. "You don't *look* sick." Someone said yesterday that mental illness is a disease, not a choice.

In the interest of this important day where we are all getting together to promote awareness, I will be candid. Well, even more candid than normal.

Most of you know that I suffer from depression, panic disorder and agoraphobia. Depression is severe sadness along with feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy. It is not just I am having a bad day or I'm so depressed because my dog died. Depression doesn't leave when you are done grieving and it certainly does not wait for something bad to happen to rear up. Panic disorder is an anxiety disorder where you get anxiety, or panic, attacks. Anxiety attacks are where you are so anxious about something that you can't think straight, you can't breathe, you can't function. And finally agoraphobia is defined as the fear of open spaces, but that is a little misleading. It's really the fear of leaving a safe place. A fear of going into a situation that will cause anxiety. Personally, I think it's just playing it smart. But I'm no MD.

Personally I'd rather have anxiety than depression any day. With anxiety, at least I get shit done. When I am depressed, forget about it. The only thing I want to do is lie in bed and not move.

I refer to depression as a black hole. When you are sad normally, it feels like there is a black cloud following you, right? Depression is more like falling into a black hole. It surrounds you, gnaws on you, keeps you prisoner in it's deep recesses. When the depression is really severe, I feel like the darkness is inside me. It is actually coursing through my veins. It has tainted my blood. It is times like these that cutting, thoughts of suicide and hospitalization come up. I have never been hospitalized but I've been extremely close. Like one day away close.

People always comment on how happy I am, or how patient or how calm and down-to-earth I am. It's very deceiving. I put on a pretty good act, if I do say so myself. Being depressed or panicked can be embarrassing. People say things like just cheer up. Just calm down. Just snap out of it. As if it is that easy.

Do you know what I am talking about? Can you relate? I hope you can't, but if you can you should talk to someone about it. At the very least, you can email me. I don't judge. There is no equal to professional help, though. I see a psychiatrist who gives me meds to help stabilize me and a therapist who helps me through life. They are indispensable to me.

BBCBos

This past weekend I attended the SITS Bloggy Boot Camp. Its was fun, informative, tasty, social, and all sorts of other adjectives. My favorite part was hanging out with my friends Melissa and Frannie. Oh, and the wine. The wine was good.

I went into it knowing that I wanted to change my blog. I wanted a new name and along with that a new center. Something more aligned with who I am now. One of the first suggestions made at the conference was "Buy your own domain name." So, that went right up there with my first priorities. Who doesn't want their own dot com?

The first presentation was from Amy Bradley Hole from Be Better Branding. This was right along the lines with my goals. She gave us some questions for us to answer for ourselves. Including "What is my promise?" and "What is my story?"

There was some information that I wasn't interested in/didn't understand. SEO, for instance, what the fuck? I do not get that shit at all. Writing a good pitch, just not what I need.

I met a ton of people. A ton. Everyone was super nice. Not everyone had a blog. Some were in marketing, advertising, or was just interested in starting a blog. Everyone had a business card. You need a business card. No joke. I remember reading that on Mama Kat's blog and thinking she was exaggerating at best; no, she wasn't. My problem now is trying to match up the cards to the faces. The quickly fading faces. I need to get on that.

My favorite presentation was from Mommy Niri. She talked about using your bloggy power for good. For helping out with charities and other noble causes. But, she stressed, not letting anyone walk over you. Your time is still worth something.



I would suggest the BBC for anyone who is serious about their blog. If you are just keeping your family updated on your endeavors, you probably won't get much out of it. But if you want to improve your blog, marketing, branding, or writing, then this would be a good fit for you.

15 Fictional Characters That Have Influenced You

1.Raoul Duke (Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas) – the first to come to mind. We used to watch this movie over and over again in college. Many of my phrases have been taken from Raoul. Raoul Duke is a fictional character. Hunter S. Thompson created that mimicked himself.

2.Dr. Frank-N-Furter (Rocky Horror) – Many of my choices is people who are not afraid to be themselves. The Dr. is one of them.

3.Frankenstein’s monster – He travels around and people are scared of him. Like the monster, I don’t always know what is right.

4.Bilbo Baggins (Lord of the Rings) – “It's a dangerous business going out your front door.”

5.Spongebob Squarepants – I can relate events in my life to Spongebob episodes.

6.Jacob Grace (God-Shaped Hole) - "If your intentions are pure I am seeking a friend for the end of the world." Jacob was himself. No apologies. And he loved so passionately.

7.Gonzo (Muppets) – Gonzo is always depressed and unhappy with who he is. So am I.

8.Eeyore – Eeyore is also depressed. Even his happy is sort of sad.

9.Batman – Batman is my favorite superhero. He is an ordinary guy who goes out and serves justice. My hero!

10.Gambit (X-Men) – I wanted to marry Gambit. Still do.

11.Daisy (The Great Gatsby) – I am not sure why I chose Daisy. Maybe it was her great love towards Jay.

12.Michael Corleone (The Godfather) – Michael thought he knew what was right. He thought everything was black and white, but it isn’t. Something I am still learning.

13.Daria – Daria is who I imagined I was.

14.Rayanne Graff (My So-Called Life) – Rayanne was someone who I wanted to be. And her nickname was Rainey.

15.Laura Wingfield (The Glass Menagerie) – Laura is so fragile and innocent – like her glass. I think of myself as fragile.

Changes

Maybe you noticed a few changes around here? If you are a fellow Google Reader, you probably have not. It has been a couple of years now with the same shit, so I've decided to update it. The previous title wasn't really applicable any more. Hopefully this is a better fit.

I bought my very own domain name! Yay! Just need to leave out the "of". Update your bookmarks, please.

Thanks for being here for me xoxo

A Few of My Favorites

Growing up I hated action films. "I am a pacifist," I would declare. I was fooling myself. I always loved The Godfather, and that isn't exactly a romantic comedy.

I never liked romantic comedies, for the record.

Action/adventure? Yes. I think I first really noticed that this was my genre when I would go into the section with my ex and find all my favorites. Apocalypse Now? Oh. Who knew?

Mobster and war movies are my favorite sub-genres. The Departed has that extra Boston element to it too. I do not like Jason Statham movies. Crank was about the worst movie ever. Though it is not the lack of plot that I hate. I hate plenty of movies lacking plot: Sucker Punch for one. That is a great movie about girls kicking ass. What more does a movie need? A great soundtrack maybe? Check! It's got that too.




What is your favorite movie genre?

Hospital Cafeteria

Throughout high school I had only one job: hospital cafeteria. Unlike some of my other minimum wage comrades in other fields (such as fast food or retail) my job was extremely lucrative. I made *drumroll* $5.82 per hour. Every hour! It was a lot back then.

Anyways, it was a fun job. Everything worked like an assembly line. The food preparation, distribution, and cleaning. My favorite part was cleaning. They gave you a powerful hose and told you to get everything wet. ¡No problemo!

Of course we were an unlikely bunch of coworkers who became an equally unlikely group of friends. There was always good chatting, well meant jabs, lively cigarette breaks, singing, dancing, and soaking each other with the aforementioned hose.

The job itself sucked, but the people made it fun every day.