You Know You Are A Mom When...

• Someone asks you to write something for their blog and you write about urine. Twice.
• You grab the throw blanket, see something that looks like dried jelly, and use the blanket anyways. You can clean it later.
• You talk about your kid then get weirded out when someone uses his name.
• Chicken nuggets and instant potatoes sound like a well-rounded meal.
• You think PG-13 might be a little much for your 6 year old, but seriously, you'd get at least 2 hours to yourself. Have fun kid!
• You are proud of a poorly painted Luigi.
• You understand everything that your kid says, even when no one else does.
• You think in rhyme because of the Dr. Seuss you read all the time.

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Having a Hard Time

I am having a hard time. My depression and anxiety are at a high right now. I couldn't keep my shit together at work yesterday and had to leave early. I do not like doing that. And I worried everyone in the lab. They got me a ride home because they didn't even want me going on the train. I am very appreciative of everything everyone has done, but sometimes it makes it worse.

"What's wrong?"

Seriously, that question sets me off. I want to just sit back and list all of the things that are wrong. And I could, but instead I say "nothing. I am fine." Which causes emotions to almost back up. Like there is this dam that I put up, but it is a leaky dam because people know something is wrong. They can tell some emotion is there and about to burst. I can't let it, though. Especially at work. That is totally inappropriate.

Yesterday the dam broke. I had a full on panic attack right here. In front of everyone.

Today I am doing a better job with my dam, but it is a little leaky. I've had one motivational speech already today. "Be happy." I seriously laughed out loud when I was told this. The funniest thing I've heard in a while, really. Be happy. If only.