Bitchin'

I don't know if I can do this any more.

Today has been one panic attack after another - or have they all been part of one big one?

My pain is so much worse and I am out of Vicodin.

I get anxiety induced nausea and it was the worst ever this morning when I was in the bathroom, seconds from vomiting and the only thing I could think of was that I cannot puke up my last Vicodin.

Work was terrible for all these reasons plus it was shitty in it's own way.  I do not take to being yelled at lightly.  That woman is fucking lucky she is old, just sayin'.

I am exhausted.  Like Mono exhausted.  It is insane.

I am petrified of surgery Wednesday.  So very scared.  You would think I'd be less scared than last time, now I know what to expect and it is less invasive, but no, I am fucking petrified.

I don't know what to do about Ryder.  He is so tired when he comes home, now that he's back in school.  So tired and so miserable and so am I.

I don't like complaining.  I don't like hearing myself complain.  Writing it down makes me feel better.