The Uncertain Future

This week's chosen prompt:

2.) When do you first imagine yourself wishing you were older or bigger? Write about it.  (writingfix.com)

 First of all, that question hurts my head a little.  Is it asking when was the first time I wished I was older?  Is it asking when do I think I would've been wishing?  Or is it asking when in the future will you be wishing?  I am going to assume the first.  Although I am not, in a way, going to answer it.

When I was younger, I did not think that I was ever going to get older or bigger.  I remember specifically in first grade looking at the third graders and trying to imagine myself as one of them.  I could not.  Therefore, I came to the conclusion that I would never be a third grader.  That I would die before then. 

When I was in third grade, I remember looking at sixth graders and not being able to picture myself as one of them, therefore believing that I was going to die before sixth grade.

This continued on.  Every year I assumed that I was going to die that year, due to the sole fact that I could not picture myself older. 

I am not really sure when this ended.  I am not really sure it has.  It just doesn't seem possible that I could ever be, say, 50.  So, if I am not ever going to be 50, then surely I will die before then.  Makes sense, right?

I'm not sure I've ever told anyone this....